the truth is hiding in your eyes...

i'm gonna be a librarian.
it'll be fun, i'm sure--i mean, i'm infatuated with books, i like finding people books, suggesting books, organizing books, buying new books, reading books, attempting to write books...
books pretty much own my face.
well, co-own.
music also owns my face.
which is why i'm so stoked to start playing violin again.
i also decided that once i've gotten re-awesome at my instrument,
i'm going to start taking cello lessons
:]
the acoustic version of "Decode" by Paramore made me want to.
i love that song.
tis my new, official favorite song
OF
ALL
TIME.
( which my biffle, kaytee, sent to me :D )
listen to it, and you shall love it.
if you don't, you're a horrible horrible person, and do not know what good music truly is.
no offense, or anything.

listen. love. repeat.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzhlKAEj42E

>:[

i get angry...well, crabby is a more appropriate word.
and i feel this emotion almost daily.
it's just how i function.
the people who have known me since, oh, i don't know, I WAS BORN
(a.k.a my MOTHER)
are well aware of this.
it is perfectly, absolutely, crystal fricking clear that
I AM NOT AN OPTIMIST.
and there are certain things that bring out my pessimistic ways.
such as:
-asking me questions every five seconds
-telling me to calm down when i'm upset
(i will work it out. if you try to shut the Grinch away, it will fight, harder, to get out, and revel in it's freedom longer than it normally would, had you shut your pie hole.)
-people not remembering things that i've told them multiple times, over and over and over and over, for WEEKS, occasionally even MONTHS.
-and most of all, people not listening to me.
i know i talk a lot. I KNOW. i get that it can be annoying, i comprehend that sometimes silence is okay, but i hate it. i do not enjoy silence.
and i know. someone out there, right now, is thinking "that's just because you're afraid of your thoughts, your own character, and the silence forces you to confront that, blah blah blah"
but that's not true.
because this blog would be example A of me not being afraid of my thoughts.
i just like to talk, to think out loud.
i have a big mouth.
don't like it? i don't care. don't hang out with me, and you won't have to deal with it.
but when i'm walking around in a awesome city with two of my best friends, and neither of them is speaking so i know they should be able to hear me, and i say whatever it was i wanted to, and neither of them answers. even after the FIFTH time i've said it, that pisses me the fuck off.
like i said: don't want to listen to me? don't be my friend, don't hang out with me.
at least PRETEND you give a shit about what i have to say.

YES, it is nearing that time of the month.
the Grinch has been out almost all day.
plus i'm tired.
awesome.
F.M.L right now.

i miss it.

i was watching August Rush today
(fantastic movie, by the way. LOVED it)
and i realized that i get seriously weepy when beautiful music is played. classical, that is. i turn into a frigging water fountain.
and that realization spawned another one:

i miss violin.

a lot.
since i got home, i've just been looking at them, listening to neo-classical music (which is my new favorite genre, i think) and mooning over the fact that i don't have a violin anymore because my brother broke it.
i'm just a smidgen bitter.
i mean...LOOK at this instrument:


just looking at it makes the fingers on my left hand twitch a bit.
it's just...SUCH a beautiful instrument.
all string instruments, to me, are stunning.
cello, bass, and violin in particular.
i swear, as soon as i can, i'm buying a new violin.
xo

music of the day: Ólafur Arnald
http://www.myspace.com/olafurarnalds

My Personality

William Beckett took this, i figured it can't be all bad :]

I'm an ENFP(Extroverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving):

ENFPs generally have the following traits:

• Project-oriented
• Bright and capable
• Warmly, genuinely interested in people; great people skills
• Extremely intuitive and perceptive about people
• Able to relate to people on their own level
• Service-oriented; likely to put the needs of others above their own
• Future-oriented
• Dislike performing routine tasks
• Need approval and appreciation from others
• Cooperative and friendly
• Creative and energetic
• Well-developed verbal and written communication skills
• Natural leaders, but do not like to control people
• Resist being controlled by others
• Can work logically and rationally - use their intuition to understand the goal and work backwards towards it
• Usually able to grasp difficult concepts and theories

ENFPs are lucky in that they're good a quite a lot of different things. An ENFP can generally achieve a good degree of success at anything which has interested them. However, ENFPs get bored rather easily and are not naturally good at following things through to completion. Accordingly, they should avoid jobs which require performing a lot of detailed, routine-oriented tasks. They will do best in professions which allow them to creatively generate new ideas and deal closely with people. They will not be happy in positions which are confining and regimented.

The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an ENFP.

Possible Career Paths for the ENFP:

• Consultant
• Psychologist
• Entrepreneur
• Actor
• Teacher
• Counselor
• Politician / Diplomat
• Writer / Journalist
• Television Reporter
• Computer Programmer, Systems Analyst, or Computer Specialist
• Scientist
• Engineer

this is actually pretty accurate, but the mathy-science oriented jobs? i would SOOO get fired (if i managed to be HIRED. or even apply, for that matter).

it's not confidential...

i've got potential.

this is the best picture i've ever seen in my entire life.

it's forrest from hellogoodbye's boston terrier....with a moustache :D

this makes me love the band even more, and made me a lot happier than i was at the start of today.
muisc of the day: duh: HelloGoodbye

http://www.myspace.com/hellogoodbye

book of the day: The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch

I Feel Like Sh*t.

my mother keeps telling me not to care that there are people out there who dislike me. Too bad that this is seriously the first time in my life that people--who i used to be best friends with--hate me.

like sincerely hate me.

for example: sending me hate mail via facebook.

about sh*t that isn't any of their mother effing business.

you know what i HATE?

most of the people that i was friends with in Utica.

David, Rachel(W and R), Kristy, Kaytee, Nicole = the only exceptions

out of the main group of people i used to chill with, anyway.

there's a bunch of other people that i didn't really hang out with that i still like

who don't hate me for no reason

who don't make up drama because they're bored

and utica has nothing to offer in the way of entertainment

therefore causing people to act out and be b*tches for fun.

I AM SO HAPPY THAT I DO NOT LIVE THERE.

I AM SO HAPPY THAT I WILL BE LIVING IN ITHACA

A FULL THREE HOURS AWAY

FAR FAR FAR AWAY

FROM ALL THE DRAMA THAT IS LEAKING OUT OF

THAT DREADED

ICKY

BORING

HORRID

PLACE.

BITE ME, UTICA.

i have a very unfortunate conversation to have tomorrow.

i hope he won't hate me.

i hope he'll still come and see me

cause i really need him.

if i don't have him there, i swear to god, i will cry.

most likely fall into a hideous depression.

i cannot deal with all of this if my best friend in the entire world hates me.

i need him to give a crap about me even though i did something horrible.

maybe some sort of penance will be in order...

i don't care if he wants me to pee my pants in public,

if it'll make him stick around, i'll do it.

i need you, "Bob."

i love you.

i'm sorry.