the truth is hiding in your eyes...

i'm gonna be a librarian.
it'll be fun, i'm sure--i mean, i'm infatuated with books, i like finding people books, suggesting books, organizing books, buying new books, reading books, attempting to write books...
books pretty much own my face.
well, co-own.
music also owns my face.
which is why i'm so stoked to start playing violin again.
i also decided that once i've gotten re-awesome at my instrument,
i'm going to start taking cello lessons
:]
the acoustic version of "Decode" by Paramore made me want to.
i love that song.
tis my new, official favorite song
OF
ALL
TIME.
( which my biffle, kaytee, sent to me :D )
listen to it, and you shall love it.
if you don't, you're a horrible horrible person, and do not know what good music truly is.
no offense, or anything.

listen. love. repeat.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzhlKAEj42E

>:[

i get angry...well, crabby is a more appropriate word.
and i feel this emotion almost daily.
it's just how i function.
the people who have known me since, oh, i don't know, I WAS BORN
(a.k.a my MOTHER)
are well aware of this.
it is perfectly, absolutely, crystal fricking clear that
I AM NOT AN OPTIMIST.
and there are certain things that bring out my pessimistic ways.
such as:
-asking me questions every five seconds
-telling me to calm down when i'm upset
(i will work it out. if you try to shut the Grinch away, it will fight, harder, to get out, and revel in it's freedom longer than it normally would, had you shut your pie hole.)
-people not remembering things that i've told them multiple times, over and over and over and over, for WEEKS, occasionally even MONTHS.
-and most of all, people not listening to me.
i know i talk a lot. I KNOW. i get that it can be annoying, i comprehend that sometimes silence is okay, but i hate it. i do not enjoy silence.
and i know. someone out there, right now, is thinking "that's just because you're afraid of your thoughts, your own character, and the silence forces you to confront that, blah blah blah"
but that's not true.
because this blog would be example A of me not being afraid of my thoughts.
i just like to talk, to think out loud.
i have a big mouth.
don't like it? i don't care. don't hang out with me, and you won't have to deal with it.
but when i'm walking around in a awesome city with two of my best friends, and neither of them is speaking so i know they should be able to hear me, and i say whatever it was i wanted to, and neither of them answers. even after the FIFTH time i've said it, that pisses me the fuck off.
like i said: don't want to listen to me? don't be my friend, don't hang out with me.
at least PRETEND you give a shit about what i have to say.

YES, it is nearing that time of the month.
the Grinch has been out almost all day.
plus i'm tired.
awesome.
F.M.L right now.

i miss it.

i was watching August Rush today
(fantastic movie, by the way. LOVED it)
and i realized that i get seriously weepy when beautiful music is played. classical, that is. i turn into a frigging water fountain.
and that realization spawned another one:

i miss violin.

a lot.
since i got home, i've just been looking at them, listening to neo-classical music (which is my new favorite genre, i think) and mooning over the fact that i don't have a violin anymore because my brother broke it.
i'm just a smidgen bitter.
i mean...LOOK at this instrument:


just looking at it makes the fingers on my left hand twitch a bit.
it's just...SUCH a beautiful instrument.
all string instruments, to me, are stunning.
cello, bass, and violin in particular.
i swear, as soon as i can, i'm buying a new violin.
xo

music of the day: Ólafur Arnald
http://www.myspace.com/olafurarnalds

My Personality

William Beckett took this, i figured it can't be all bad :]

I'm an ENFP(Extroverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving):

ENFPs generally have the following traits:

• Project-oriented
• Bright and capable
• Warmly, genuinely interested in people; great people skills
• Extremely intuitive and perceptive about people
• Able to relate to people on their own level
• Service-oriented; likely to put the needs of others above their own
• Future-oriented
• Dislike performing routine tasks
• Need approval and appreciation from others
• Cooperative and friendly
• Creative and energetic
• Well-developed verbal and written communication skills
• Natural leaders, but do not like to control people
• Resist being controlled by others
• Can work logically and rationally - use their intuition to understand the goal and work backwards towards it
• Usually able to grasp difficult concepts and theories

ENFPs are lucky in that they're good a quite a lot of different things. An ENFP can generally achieve a good degree of success at anything which has interested them. However, ENFPs get bored rather easily and are not naturally good at following things through to completion. Accordingly, they should avoid jobs which require performing a lot of detailed, routine-oriented tasks. They will do best in professions which allow them to creatively generate new ideas and deal closely with people. They will not be happy in positions which are confining and regimented.

The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an ENFP.

Possible Career Paths for the ENFP:

• Consultant
• Psychologist
• Entrepreneur
• Actor
• Teacher
• Counselor
• Politician / Diplomat
• Writer / Journalist
• Television Reporter
• Computer Programmer, Systems Analyst, or Computer Specialist
• Scientist
• Engineer

this is actually pretty accurate, but the mathy-science oriented jobs? i would SOOO get fired (if i managed to be HIRED. or even apply, for that matter).

it's not confidential...

i've got potential.

this is the best picture i've ever seen in my entire life.

it's forrest from hellogoodbye's boston terrier....with a moustache :D

this makes me love the band even more, and made me a lot happier than i was at the start of today.
muisc of the day: duh: HelloGoodbye

http://www.myspace.com/hellogoodbye

book of the day: The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch

I Feel Like Sh*t.

my mother keeps telling me not to care that there are people out there who dislike me. Too bad that this is seriously the first time in my life that people--who i used to be best friends with--hate me.

like sincerely hate me.

for example: sending me hate mail via facebook.

about sh*t that isn't any of their mother effing business.

you know what i HATE?

most of the people that i was friends with in Utica.

David, Rachel(W and R), Kristy, Kaytee, Nicole = the only exceptions

out of the main group of people i used to chill with, anyway.

there's a bunch of other people that i didn't really hang out with that i still like

who don't hate me for no reason

who don't make up drama because they're bored

and utica has nothing to offer in the way of entertainment

therefore causing people to act out and be b*tches for fun.

I AM SO HAPPY THAT I DO NOT LIVE THERE.

I AM SO HAPPY THAT I WILL BE LIVING IN ITHACA

A FULL THREE HOURS AWAY

FAR FAR FAR AWAY

FROM ALL THE DRAMA THAT IS LEAKING OUT OF

THAT DREADED

ICKY

BORING

HORRID

PLACE.

BITE ME, UTICA.

i have a very unfortunate conversation to have tomorrow.

i hope he won't hate me.

i hope he'll still come and see me

cause i really need him.

if i don't have him there, i swear to god, i will cry.

most likely fall into a hideous depression.

i cannot deal with all of this if my best friend in the entire world hates me.

i need him to give a crap about me even though i did something horrible.

maybe some sort of penance will be in order...

i don't care if he wants me to pee my pants in public,

if it'll make him stick around, i'll do it.

i need you, "Bob."

i love you.

i'm sorry.

Humans Are Interesting.

First off: I have not blogged in...oh, ten thousand millenia?

Whatever.

No one reads this anyway.

Second (off?):

What the eff is up with us? Why is blogging (how does one spell that exactly?) such a big deal, video or other wise?

Why do humans feel the need to read about other people's lives, try to get other people reading about their's?

We're kinda ego-maniacs, huh?

I understand it from a writer's point of view: I know that I, personally, have this ridiculous need to express my self via literature and forcing my thoughts upon the internet.

I think it's a need to be heard, remembered in some way, even if it's small. What's the point in living if no one remembers you? If you don't make an impact?

That's what I think it's all about.

But I don't know.

Who the hell am I to make assumptions about human nature and how ALL of our minds function?

You tell me what you think.

(Cause, you know. I'm gonna get a response from my MASSIVE following...riiiiight.)

Thirdly:

I'm moving back to New York, Ithaca to be specific, on July 29th via Greyhound bus.

I'm not gonna lie; I haven't been this excited...ever.

Like this tops the excitement that I had when I was, like, three and Christmas was slowly dawning upon the world.

This makes THAT excitement look like depression.

As Kaytee says, I'm so exited I might "pee my soul."

Peeing my pants wouldn't be sufficient.

Not even frickin' close.

I'm going to be living with Kelly and Lucaya, two of the people that I love most in the entire world,

and in Ithaca. Which is, honestly, my absolute favorite place. I've wanted to live there since I was about 12.

Six years later, and I'm about to be there.

[Incert girly squeal HERE]

xo

Music suggestion of the day: She Wants Revenge

http://www.shewantsrevenge.com/

Book suggestion of the day: Crazy Cool by Tara Janzen

http://www.tarajanzen.com/

(This series ain't for the wee ones...)

Where The Wild Things Are

HECK YES!!!
i'm SOOOOOO eternally psyched for this movie.
ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-check it outtttt :]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--N9klJXbjQ

so amazing.
not to mention, Arcade Fire is the background music
and they're just plain old
spiffy.

Ahhhh haha

VEDA...
epic fail on my part.
to make up for it, here is a snipet from the new story that i'm working on :D

My eyelips are heavy...

Protector is a very exhausting job...

I have a feelign that it's going to get even more exhausting...

I fall asleep, Violet's

sad violence surrounding me, enveloping my senses...

"You're going to save her, huh?"

Lo.

"Yes."

"You haven't saved me yet, Dan. Haven't even saved me."

"It's too late to save you, Lauren."

"Mmm. Almost. Not quite yet. I'm almost out of your reach, sweetheart. Almost."

"You've been out of my reach since I can remember."

"I know that words were heavy. Your's have a new weight to them now. Purpose, I think, is what's done that. Stop mooning over me and help us, Dan. Help us both."

"I can only help so many people, Lo. And you might thing I can still save you, but you're broken. Not just cracked, but splintered into a thousand pieces. Which is probably why I love you. There's nothing I could do to fucking save you even if I wanted to."

"I know, you know. That you feel that way. Violet...your purpose. She might fix this. Have fun, Protector."

"Dan?" Violet's voice wakes me. I look down and realize that I'm holding her just a bit too tightly.

"Sorry..."

"No, it's fine. You were just muttering something in your sleep. You seemed kind of scared."

Funny. The ballerina with running mascara is getting protective of me now. A little ironic, I think.

"I am. Just a little bit." She nods and lays her head back down on my chest. We stay this way for a while, just lying there, both of our minds turning mercilessly.

Mine for Lo and her.

Her's for me and what goes on in her house.

The sad violence.

There ya have it!

Enjoy, tell me whatcha think, ect.

xo

Music suggestion of the day: Young Love

www.myspace.com/younglove

Book suggestion of the day: Lover Avenged by J.R Ward

http://www.jrward.com/

PARAMORE!

they're on tour this summer!
and i'm 100% parawhore, so i'm absolutely going.
as you should be.
i mean, not only is it paramore, but no doubt as well.
how can you miss that and call yourself whole?
you can't.
so go!

the BDB owns my faceeee :D

sooo...
as of late, i've been re-reading
the black dagger brotherhood series
since the next book in the series is coming out this month
[incert classic fangirl SQUEEEEEEEEE! here]
and i've also been looking in the insider's guide.
which has this section called
The Brothers in the Board.
it is fricking HILARIOUS.
read the series.
read the insider's guide.
life shall automatically hold a new, ever-lasting shimmer to it.

Holy. Flying. Poo. On. Toast!

i SUCK at this!
i'm sorry Maureen Johnson, but i fail at BEDA.
but i shall still try!
anyways...

today, i broke myself.
specifically, my right arm and leg and knee.
i was biking in the wetlands(which are these amazing nature trails by my house)
and i went down a rather steep little hill.
and i went down this rather steep little hill too fast.
and beefed it.
so i am scraped rather thoroughly.
it stings.
and i'm bandaged in a manner that makes me look like a burn victim.
that'd be my mother's doing, folks. not meee.

music suggestion of the day: anything that was every recorded by Nirvana
www.last.fm/music/nirvana
(i'm just in a really grunge-y mood today.
speaking of grunge.
isn't indie just like...a modernized grunge? style-wise, anyway?)

book suggestion of the day: i honestly do not have one. i'm still reading I Am The Messenger by Markus Zusak, which is funny and deep and endlessly intreguing all at the same time. severe and eternal props to Mr. Zusak.

Eeep!

i'm not doing so well with BEDA, huh?
my bad.
the last two days have been busy,
but now! finally! at last!
tis spring break! all hail zeus!
:D
i get to sleep in and attempt to get a job at a bookstore!
YES!
i'm actually pretty excited.
plus, i shall have time to organize the black, messy hole that is my room
and to run! WOOT!
:D
i'm psyched.

book suggestion of the day: Peeps by Scott Westerfeld
http://www.scottwesterfeld.com/

music suggestion of the day: Owl & Penny
http://www.myspace.com/owlandpenny
(i am in love with this boy. he used to be The Raintree, and before that he was in the Maine, which is now a rather annoying band. which is why he left. they got all...money/popularity/culture driven. props to Ryan for peacing out.)

BMOC

ahhh, high school.
filled with hilarious competitions featuring a few very attractive boys.
my type of night :]
the theme was When I Grow Up...
organized by...i cannot remember which club. but it was brilliant.
allyson, possibly one of the smartest, most hard working girls in the entire universe,
did a LOT of work, and was an adorable MC
and all the guys were hysterical.

one thing that bugged me though.
the middle aged people behind me.
wow.
they laughed in that cliche' movie way.
it made a little piece of me die inside.
if i ever end up laughing like that, acting like a frigging yuppie,
i've given my friend rachel(cali rachel, not walrus rachel) permission to shoot me in the throat.

dang middle aged people.

(note: nothing's bold or italicized because i am utterly exhausted. spring break is only TWO DAYS away. which feels like a frigging eternity right now...blegh)

music suggestion of the day: Somewhat Undecided
http://www.myspace.com/somewhatundecided

book suggestion: I Am The Messenger by Markus Zusak
http://www.randomhouse.com/features/markuszusak/

BEDA

Blog Every Day April.
i'm up for it.
are you?
can you handle the pressure?
can ya?
huh?
huh?
huh?!

music suggestion of the day: Ida Maria
http://www.myspace.com/idamaria

book suggestion of the day: Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
(old-y but a good-y. more like superb-y.)
http://www.austen.com/

hard earned exhaustion

bleghhhh!
i hate being tired.
but in this case...'twas worth it.
may i just say:
GRAYSON KESSENICH pretty much owns my face right now.
his set at Bloom tonight was in-frickin'-credible.
http://www.myspace.com/graysonkessenich
listen.
love.
repeat.

Holy. Freakin'. Crow.

when's the last time i updated this shizzle?

lord only knows.

speaking of the lord.

i've been thinking about religion a lot lately.

as most of you know, i was/am being raised mormon.

which is a rather hxc religion: it's you're freaking LIFE.

but they teach that god loves everyone, no matter what.

sinners, whores, crack addicts, alcoholics, murderers, ect.

so why is it so bad for someone to have a tattoo?

to have their nose pierced?

to have a cigarette every now and then?

to have a glass of wine with dinner?

to utter a curse word when they're mad, hurt, frustrated?

if he loves you unconditionally, things like that shouldn't matter.

so why do i feel so utterly guilty about wanting/doing some of those things?

because i've been taught that those things are bad, naughty, wrong, sinful, whatever.

well you know what?

at this point, i'm only going to church because my brother's a little heathen, and my mom's so stressed out she cried the other day, and she needs at least one child doing something that she believes in, something to make her feel like the world isn't completely collapsing.

even if it is.

xo

Music suggestion of the day: Estelle

http://www.myspace.com/estelleonline

Book suggestion of the day: The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss

http://www.patrickrothfuss.com

P.E. is the Spawn of the Devil

that would be a very good band name...
or a song.
huh.
anyways! the reason i've made such a scathing observation is because i am now done with it.
never again in this life shall i be required to participate in Physical Education.
(innuendo people: get your mind out of the gutter! i'm talking to you, walrus!)
and yet, as though fate is punishing me, two days later.
i
am
still
sore.
doing forward and backward lunges have given me fantastically strong thighs.
i could kick the hulk out a window.
well. maybe not the hulk...maybe mr. fantastic.
he's not very big.
in other, non-whiny news:
i get to go see Alphabeat in four days!
oh. and Katy Perry. i like her a lot, but i
LOVE Alphabeat.
they're amazing.
xo

music suggestion of the day: Alphabeat
http://www.myspace.com/thisisalphabeat

book suggestion of the day: Identical by Ellen Hopkins
(which, by the way, is not for those who enjoy happy endings.
if you like depressing endings, stories filled with self-abuse and tragic families, then this is the novel for you, my friend.)

oh.my.goodness.

sooo...i've mentioned John Green (i've decided that awesome authors get their names colored in lilac. i know its girly. sorry, John!) before
(notice: capitals where there supposed to be. which means he's brilliant.)
who is an amazingly spectacular author
(if you haven't, go read Looking For Alaska, An Abundance of Katherines, and Paper Towns. they are all perfect pieces of literature. i kid you not.)
but i have not mentioned Sarah Dessen, who is also spectacular.
i've realized that i have something in common with Sarah Dessen.
we have rather similar writing techniques. albeit, mine is not as polished or fantastic or amazing or brilliant. but similar.
which is something that my lovely friend kristy pointed out to me after reading the first few chapters of the book i had attempted to write for NANOWRIMO(NAtional NOvel WRIting MOnth)
(John Green calls it NAFADOYBIMSCOM. which is an amazing acronym meaning NAtional Finish A Draft Of Your Book I Mean, Seriously, Come On. do we see why he's amazing?)
(all these parenthesis make it hard to read this blog...oh well.)
anyways.
kristy told me this, and my voice got rather squeaky as it does when i'm ecstatic, and i was grinning like an insane person.
i mean, my friend, my very honest friend, tells me that i write like a New York Times Bestseller? like i'm going to be nonchalant about that. puh-lease.
so in order to make my work unique, and not suck-ish, i'm going to make january/febuary NAFADOYBIMSCOM for me personally.
you can do it was well.
you should.
unless you don't enjoy writing, then...you probably shouldn't.
but i shall have a first draft!
with god as my witness, i shall have a first draft by march 1st!
that is all for now.
xo

music suggestion of the day: Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson
(am i the only one that has to sing holla back girl by gwen stafani in order to spell bananas?)
http://www.jackjohnsonmusic.com

book suggestion of the day: Lock and Key by Sarah Dessen
http://writergrl.livejournal.com/